You board the plane and there are only 6 open seats. You must sit next to one of these butthats. Each has his own characteristics that would be wise to keep in mind.
Cal Varnsen - He will spend the whole flight alternating between castigating James Franklin and trying to talk over your head. He has eaten something foul and has severe flatulence that could peel paint.
Miktimrob - He will try putting helmet stickers on your gear every time you glance away. Will need to get up every 5 minutes for the “breakroom”. Has halitosis that smells of anchovies and maybe bad bean curd.
Brucestef - He will harangue you with outlandish fantasy stories about his neighbors. I think he lives in an octagon because the dude’s had like, 5 neighbor stories. He’ll fascinate with tales of Native Americans and how he once bested Ellobo at some clambake or something. He leers and there’s a good chance he’ll drool on you.
Cmfenner - He will spend the entire flight pushing Ad Block Plus on you and sending side-boob gifs and shite to your phone. Dude will be barefoot and has crusty, malodorous feet that would make the stinkiest cheese JimS ever saw cry.
KBH19 - He will be wearing a joker mask and wielding a Harrison Ford signature light saber that he keeps jabbing across you in an attempt to raise a stewardess’ skirt. By the time you reach the island you’ll be so sick of Star Wars you’ll want to rewatch the last season of Walking Dead. Oh, did I mention he has Tourette’s?
Rocky - Spends the whole time shouting Yo Adrian and glancing wildly about the plane. He’s shirtless, sweaty and jacked but he smells like butt.
HTown Blue - Keeps trying throughout the flight to make a bird shape with his hands then shouting over to Varnsen “does this look like a law hawk?” Keeps Kabooming every few minutes, which is cute until he kabooms into his depends.
Cal Varnsen - He will spend the whole flight alternating between castigating James Franklin and trying to talk over your head. He has eaten something foul and has severe flatulence that could peel paint.
Miktimrob - He will try putting helmet stickers on your gear every time you glance away. Will need to get up every 5 minutes for the “breakroom”. Has halitosis that smells of anchovies and maybe bad bean curd.
Brucestef - He will harangue you with outlandish fantasy stories about his neighbors. I think he lives in an octagon because the dude’s had like, 5 neighbor stories. He’ll fascinate with tales of Native Americans and how he once bested Ellobo at some clambake or something. He leers and there’s a good chance he’ll drool on you.
Cmfenner - He will spend the entire flight pushing Ad Block Plus on you and sending side-boob gifs and shite to your phone. Dude will be barefoot and has crusty, malodorous feet that would make the stinkiest cheese JimS ever saw cry.
KBH19 - He will be wearing a joker mask and wielding a Harrison Ford signature light saber that he keeps jabbing across you in an attempt to raise a stewardess’ skirt. By the time you reach the island you’ll be so sick of Star Wars you’ll want to rewatch the last season of Walking Dead. Oh, did I mention he has Tourette’s?
Rocky - Spends the whole time shouting Yo Adrian and glancing wildly about the plane. He’s shirtless, sweaty and jacked but he smells like butt.
HTown Blue - Keeps trying throughout the flight to make a bird shape with his hands then shouting over to Varnsen “does this look like a law hawk?” Keeps Kabooming every few minutes, which is cute until he kabooms into his depends.
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